On being cool.

"So I ran into a girl who went to the same High School as you. I told her my sister went there and when she asked me who you were and I told her, she nearly freaked out. True story. Not only did she remember you but she said you were so cool".

Promptly spitting out whatever food I was chewing, I gaped at my sister with sincere disbelief.. the type of look you expect when you find out you won the lottery, or that you are becoming a parent. It's just so unbelievable a statement. Enjoying my confusion my sister continues, "Oh yeah, she said you were so strange and cool. Like nothing fazed you and were really unique. She was also pretty sure you would never remember her, she said she was a dweeb, but she still remembers you."*

Now I am the last person to assume that I was anything near cool way back in High School. In fact, High School was like unnecessary punishment for being human and I loathe those people who gush that those were the best years of their lives. In fact I pity the fools really, but sigh, you do get them.

To some High School was like this..

..and for some reason like this.

But more often than not, it was more like this..

..and this. Definitely.

High School was just one long feeling of not belonging and feeling outcast. Yuck. Thank God for University/College. But it got me thinking. It got me thinking of the meaning of coolness..

I think most of us have this perception about our own coolness. On a scale of 1 to 10 there are varying degrees of cool and all shades of grey. You can be cool in the traditional bad boy way- this category would normally encompass musicians as for some reason, a man who can hold a guitar and chortle out some chords is just, cool. In that moody artistic way.  Those kinds of cool people say very little, but act very suave. They are the Johnny Depps of the world, the James Dean with the leather jackets, the bruised heart and temper. Mmm..these kinds of cool people also ride on that sex appeal thing and sometimes have an addiction to something thrown in there, that make us amp up their cool factor. This also of course those unworldly beautiful and popular creatures that seem like ooze cool. Meanwhile back at the ranch, these cool kids have an ice tray melting between their ears and are about as lasting as the flavour of Joaquin Pheonix' s gum at the Oscars.

Mr. Swagger.

Then you get people who are cool because they are different..initially they are not so cool, they just seem weird or geeky. But then they come up with shit so cool, its like revolutionary. Think Steve Jobs or like Quentin Tarantino (except he just cleverly rehashes old cliche's in films and represents them in a pop revenge theme - not saying its not entertaining, it's just not completely original) or any of the artists of their time that were NOT POPULAR but made it big post-mordem. These kinds of coolies normally take a while to sprout or blossom, but when they do, boy oh boy. They sometimes fall from grace, Spielberg/Burton has yet to make a recent movie that doesn't drip with obvious sentiment and poor Dan Brown will have to just pull up his old catholic conspiracy breeches and find something new to write about. Waxy and wany..

More radical behaviour from men who wear whatever they want as it occurs to them..Hunter.S.Thompson

So if you fall in the first category you are kind of cool or revered because you look cool or are extremely good at something that is cool. Or if you are in the second category, your creative output is different and therefore you are cool for possessing a certain otherly ability or talent.


But I think there is another kind of cool. It's a bit trickier to see and to realize as it doesn't seem cool to be in this place at this moment and it certainly doesn't make you feel very "cool".
It is what you when you realize  a certain path you chose comes to an end, like those follow-the-story novels, where you turn the page, and maybe the dinosaur eats you on p. 12, or maybe you survive on  p. 19. It just didn't work out.
Maybe you are jobless after living abroad for years and had to move back in with your folks, or after 5 years of studying accounting you realize you never want to audit another damn number, perhaps you are wearing a house arrest bracelet, or you got your credit cards cut up, or you're still buying pot from you ex-husband.

Good T.V.

None of these are desirable life situations, but they happen. It feel like life is forcing you in a loud way to face some challenges, and that you are gonna show it what kind of stuff you are made of. It's the ability to see you failed at some things, and to  keep going regardless. It would be cool if we could do that gracefully, but whether you do or you don't, it matters more that you realize you are cool for just being there and realizing that it is cool..it is. It's cool like the Dude sipping white russians, cool like speaking japanese, cool like remembering all the lines to Family Guy, cool like shooting a bow and arrow, just damn COOL.

Doing your own thing kind of Cool..

Even though it doesn't seem like it in the beginning. It may seem just downright awful. But we all overcome these struggles in time..Martha went back to decoupaging, another bank will call you after a bit (they always do), something else will pickle your academic interest, eventually you will meet someone else and yes, I too will leave my parents house and find employment ... right now it may not feel cool to be here, but it is probably the last time that I will be able to speak to my parents in this way, before age and time takes them from me, that my little exotic existence is still carefree of husbands and babies and that I can take this time to figure out who I want to be.

Even if you felt like walking around like this Dude, its all good.

And even though it's not obvious, and even thought its frustrating to at times and yes probably my quarter life crisis, I think it is just a little gift from the universe to remind me that it is cool. Everything will work out. it always does. And that I  realize that right now, in this place, maybe I am cool after all.

And I pity the fool who doesn't believe it.

 * I did remember this girl in fact and although we weren't friends, I do know who she is and what she looks like.  If I ran into her again, I would tell her as much and maybe we would go for a drink. I'd like to think so, but as she was in fact a dweeb, she is probably driving a BMW now, so it may have to be latte's. And they would be on her.